


His Regrets

by rainwrites



Category: SHINee, f(x)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-21
Updated: 2010-12-21
Packaged: 2017-12-21 10:22:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainwrites/pseuds/rainwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because for every love story, there is another, much more heartbreaking tale… Always, there is a third. [Taemin-centric] [Taemin/Luna] [Onew/Luna]</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Regrets

“Sunyoung-ah…”

 

He thought he was imagining things when he saw her standing in front of their dorm one morning.

 

“ _Annyeong_ … Taemin.”

 

She greeted him, smiling as if nothing really happened, as if nothing was ever wrong between them (as if they hadn’t been avoiding each other for months). Her sudden presence left him in awe that he stood rooted to the spot for a few beats until she waved her hands in front of him.

 

“Taemin?”

 

“Oh sorry. Come in and have a seat.”

 

They sat facing each other, neither of them saying a word for a long time. It wasn’t like it used to be, and Taemin realized he missed _her_. It wasn’t effortless conversation or simple silence like they were used to. It was heavy silence, weighed down with memories of the last time they had spoken to each other. 

 

_The last time_  -- How could he forget that last time? It was six months ago. She had confessed, and he had turned her down. The memory made him flinch.

 

He had always known how she felt. The very first instant her eyes locked into his, he had realized her feelings. How could he not? Her eyes – her amazing, beautiful, chocolate pools shone with it when their gazes met, almost blinding him.

 

He didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to acknowledge how she felt. So he denied that he knew, denied the truth that stared him in the face. He held on to that pretense of ignorance for the longest time, almost bruising his heart in the process. For the more he tried to stay away, the more he was drawn...

 

Her angelic soul, her inner strength, her sunny smiles -- such a beautiful, beautiful girl inside and out, so delicate and radiant and everything he would ever want in a girl. He realized he was falling for her, too (How could he not?), so fast he was certain he could be killed on impact. He had never stopped falling since then.

 

It would’ve been easier to just be friends secretly pining for each other, but confident as she was, Luna just had to make her feelings known.

__  
‘I really, really like you. Take my heart and do with it what you want. It’s all yours… if you want it.’  


She made him smile and cry inside at the same time.

_  
‘I know you feel something, too. I know you feel this between us.’_

 

Of course, he loved her back just the same, but he couldn’t tell her that. Maybe in another time (or in another world) they could be together. Their current status as idols didn’t exactly make it easy for them. How could she not think of that?

_  
‘Please stop pushing me away.’_

 

Her last words, so softly uttered, combined with the pleading look in her eyes were almost enough to make him lose his resolve. She was opening herself up for the hurt. But still he denied her, pushed her away even further, acted like she didn’t mean anything to him other than his same-aged friend. He believed it was for the best.

 

But that didn’t turn out well, especially for him. It took all of his power to not envelop her in his arms and kiss her senseless whenever they crossed paths. It especially crushed him to see other guys paying her special attention. Will he ever had time to make it right, before it’s too late? He didn’t want to deny it any longer. 

 

“Sunyoung-ah…”

 

“Listen. I’m here to see –”

 

They spoke at the same time. But there was a twinge of pain and longing in his voice when he called out her name that made her stop talking. Her gaze searched the depth of his eyes, and he tried desperately to show through that gaze what he couldn’t tell her through words. She glanced away, burned by his intense gaze, and he knew she understood. Her lips parted with an emotion he couldn’t understand, but before she could say anything, a commotion from one of the rooms broke their little moment.

 

“Sunyoung, you came.”

 

“Jinki-oppa...”

 

Suddenly, it was as if he didn’t exist in the room anymore. It seemed as though she was blind to everything except for the man who was now sitting beside her. He watched as Luna fussed over Onew (who was surprisingly lively for a person who was down with the flu), taking out a container of homemade soup he hadn’t noticed before (“ _Omma_  made this especially for you.”) and feeding him herself. 

 

Her eyes… they shone with such brightness and happiness and affection when she looked at the older boy (she used to look at him like this, too). It hurt. It hurt and he wouldn’t lie to himself about it. He tried to shrug off the numbness that was rapidly spreading throughout his body as the familiar feeling overtook him. 

 

Jealousy. He hated it.

 

It killed him to not be the one to reach out and tuck that one curl behind her ear. His gaze caught sight of their intertwined hands and he turned away, his eyes glinting with unshed tears. He slipped into his room as quietly as he could (though it wouldn’t matter anyway since they were too absorbed with each other to notice him), and he finally allowed himself to release the tears of regret he had been desperately holding. He clutched at his chest, where his broken heart pounds painfully. 

__  
She had Onew-hyung now.

 

Onew was by her side when he wasn’t. He didn’t realize she was slipping away until she was out of reach. He pushed her love away, so she found someone who would accept her heart and give her what she wanted, needed.

 

He realized too late (and that was where his biggest regret lay).

 

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> \- originally written 21 December 2010 under **[eiresione](http://eiresione.livejournal.com) **:)****


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